How to Write Great First Messages on Dating Sites

Your first message determines whether you get a response or get ignored. Standing out requires more than "hey" or "what's up."

Read Their Profile

Reference something specific from their profile. This shows you actually read it and aren't copy-pasting to everyone. "I see you visited Iceland—what was your favorite part?" beats "nice pics."

Ask Engaging Questions

Open-ended questions invite conversation. "What did you think of that restaurant in your photo?" works better than yes/no questions.

Avoid generic questions they've answered dozens of times. Be creative.

Keep It Appropriate Length

One paragraph is usually right. Too short seems low-effort. Too long can overwhelm. Match your message length to the platform culture—casual sites like BeNaughty call for shorter messages.

Show Your Personality

Let your sense of humor or personality come through. You want to attract people who appreciate the real you, not a polished fake version.

What to Avoid

• Generic openers—"hey," "hi there," "what's up"
• Compliments only about appearance
• Negative comments about dating
• Life story in first message
• Immediate requests to meet or move to other platforms

Follow-Up Strategy

No response? One polite follow-up after a few days is acceptable. More than that becomes pushy. Sometimes people are busy; sometimes they're not interested. Either way, move on gracefully.

Find platforms matching your communication style in our dating site reviews.